Intergenerational living
What I learned from a cooking class in Jaipur
I had a wonderful evening in Jaipur.
Our host organised a cooking class in a friend’s home. It was run by a mother and her two daughters-in-law who, while cooking, were very open to chatting about intergenerational living.
In post-war UK culture, it has become the norm for children to leave their families and set up homes independently. Increasing numbers of adults now live alone: in 2024 there were an estimated 8.4 million people living alone in the UK, and half of those were aged 65 or over, a rise from previous years as the population age (The Standard). This shift mirrors broader social changes where independence is prized but support networks are thin.Often people live far away from the towns they grew up in. Over time, it has become usual for families to be geographically dispersed, with many older people living alone.
The role of extended family
In my work now, I see many couples who are struggling without the support that grandparents or extended family might once have provided. They struggle alone in towns and cities, dependent on clubs before and after-school for childcare while both parents work.
Shree spoke openly and happily about how her marriage had been arranged by both families. She described being consulted throughout the process and feeling content with the outcome. She had moved into her husband’s family home and spoke warmly about liking her new family.
She had been working as a school teacher, but following the birth of her child she became a stay-at-home mother. The cookery classes were both an interest and a source of income while her child grew towards school age, at which point she planned to return to the workplace.
She had also been happy to welcome her sister-in-law into the household. Her sister-in-law had since had a child of her own and now helped with the cookery classes. Shree talked openly about the role the extended family played in raising the children and how supported she felt in knowing she could return to work with that structure in place.
In return, the unspoken contract is that the elderly are cared for and supported as they grow older, remaining within the family rather than becoming isolated.
Mutually beneficial
I find myself wondering whether the UK may eventually return to something like this. Many young people, particularly those without the “bank of mum and dad”, are struggling under the cost of living, with rent out of reach for so many. When children arrive, life becomes even more difficult without the help of an extended network of family, friends and community.
The UK’s present landscape also highlights the fragmentation many people feel. Older adults who live alone are at heightened risk of loneliness; recent research found that around 1 in 14 people aged 65 + report feeling lonely often (Age UK), and those who go a week without speaking to a friend or family member are almost three times more likely to report loneliness.
Like most things, intergenerational living has both advantages and disadvantages. Emotional connection and a sense of belonging can be reinforced in a world where we are increasingly experiencing distrust, polarisation and a loss of connection.
There is something deeply valuable in older members of a family feeling respected for their experience and knowledge, while younger generations benefit from stories, heritage and practical skills passed down – whether that’s traditional cooking, mending, or ways of living that have been honed over time.
It becomes a genuine exchange of skills: younger, more technologically orientated minds alongside the practical wisdom of lived experience.
I have long been a fan of intergenerational living. I have practised it in one form or another for most of my life. The thought of living alone horrifies me, and I have joked for years about becoming a landlady for the lonely.
Travelling unlocks new ways of thinking
Travelling through India has done exactly what I hoped it would – it has pushed me out of my usual ways of thinking. Breathing new air and experiencing something different is intoxicating.
Back to the cooking class. The food we ate was the best I have eaten on this trip so far. The practised use of herbs and spices gave the dishes a depth and richness I haven’t found in restaurants yet.
The conversation was stimulating and genuinely two-way, as Shree and her family asked us about our homes, families and work. Differences were explored, examined and sometimes laughed about. It was a heart-warming experience.
