Work versus relationship
Finding the balance
I’m writing this from India, where work, relationships and family life are organised very differently to what I see in the UK. Here, these areas of life often operate as clearly defined spheres, shaped by culture, tradition and family structure. Around 80% of marriages in India are arranged in some form. Marriage is rooted in family systems, social standing, religion and shared expectations.
What has struck me most is not whether this system is “better” or “worse”, but how roles within it are clearly understood. In many households, once married, women continue to centre the home as their base, regardless of their education or previous career. Work is often conducted from home, and domestic labour is recognised as essential to the functioning of the family.
As with any system, this approach comes with its own limitations. For younger women particularly, some of whom still face barriers to financial independence or access to basic resources. However, it does highlight the uncomfortable issue that we undervalue domestic labour here in the UK.
The undervaluing of domestic labour
In my consulting room in the UK, I regularly meet women who manage households, raise children, organise family life, care for ageing parents and support their partner’s career – and yet refer to the income coming into the household as “his money”.
Every time I hear this phrase it gives me pause.
In 2026, many women still struggle to recognise domestic labour as labour. The emotional, logistical and physical work that sustains a household is treated as secondary, despite being the very thing that allows the partner’s career to flourish. A partners’ professional success doesn’t exist in isolation. However, often this is only acknowledged when a relationship breaks down and the law recognises the partnership as a joint endeavour.
Equality has advanced in many areas. However domestic labour within the home, still lacks recognition and value.
“We’re just too busy”
When couples talk to me about work versus relationship, one phrase comes up repeatedly: “We’re just too busy.”
Almost always, the reason given is work.
I recently worked with a couple who began their relationship on relatively equal professional footing. In fact, she was initially more successful. Then he had a stroke of luck with a business venture, while she had a baby. Overnight, the balance shifted. She went from dressing for work to being largely housebound, a role she never truly wanted but took on for the sake of the family.
She supported him through business growth, ageing parents, a miscarriage and eventually a second child. As his success increased, so did the distance between them. His focus narrowed; her needs became invisible to him. They began living parallel lives under the same roof.
By the time they came to therapy, the familiar refrain had set in: no time for the relationship. What emerged was her growing sense that she had become something like an employee – expected to give endlessly, with little recognition or care in return.
He was genuinely shocked. In his mind, he had been working for the family’s future. And he was telling the truth. Like so many people, he had become so focused on the bigger picture that he lost sight of the couple at its centre.
What children actually need
When couples tell me they are sacrificing their relationship “for the children”, I ask a simple question: What do children need most?
The answer, time and again, is not more money, bigger houses or longer working hours. It is parents who like each other, who feel emotionally safe together, and who create a stable, warm home environment.
This is often missed. Careers are framed as opportunities, but without conscious choices, they can quietly erode the very relationships they are meant to support.
The conversations that matter
One of the first conversations I encourage young couples to have is this: whose career will take priority if children arrive – and for how long? Too many couples drift into arrangements that were never properly discussed or agreed, and resentment quietly takes root.
When I hear, “There’s no time in the week for us,” I gently ask how much time is spent scrolling, gaming, or being mentally elsewhere. Connection does not require grand gestures. Even thirty minutes a day to check in, talk, laugh or simply be together can protect the relationship from slow erosion.
Choosing the relationship
Balancing work and relationships requires intention. It asks for conscious choices, shared responsibility and a willingness to prioritise the couple alongside professional ambition.
