Karen on The Hidden 20% Podcast
It was a real pleasure to join Ben on the Hidden 20% Podcast recently.
In January 2024, Ben launched The Hidden 20%, a media-led charity dedicated to raising awareness & support for the 1.6 Billion neurodivergents.
I’ve dedicated my career to understanding the unique dynamics within neurodivergent relationships. In this chat with Ben, we unpacked why neurodivergent couples often struggle, and more importantly, how they can thrive.
The impact of diagnosis
We talk about my background in Couples Therapy and how the blend of psychodynamic therapy with behavioural techniques and my own coaching model helps couples to navigate their issues.
It was great to talk through how much progress has been made. And how Neurodivergence is more likely to be recognised now.
We discussed how a late diagnosis of ADHD or Autism or AuDHD can impact a relationship. And the impact on the couple dynamic of a diagnosis. And then what happens after a diagnosis. The impact of masking on relationships and unmasking.
Communication
We discussed communication challenges in all couples and the additional ‘translation’ required where one member of the couple is neurodivergent and the other neurotypical.
This led us to talk through how to break a cycle of escalation by using a ‘code word‘. This enables them to take a break, stopping descent into withdrawal, or escalation into a drama.
By pausing in a conversation couples can identify their triggers. If you can recognise the triggers and move away from intense escalations and keep things calm, you’ve got a better platform to communicate healthily.
We discussed the importance of timing and tiredness and scheduling conversations.
Keeping The Magic Alive
We discussed our top tips for keeping your relationship thriving.
We talked at length about equality in relationships and the need to agree your ‘couple deal’. What you both agree to in your relationship. This framework encourages couples to reflect on their shared history, current realities, and aspirations for the future.
Neurodivergence and Integration
We discussed the perception of neurodivergence in the under 30’s and also those people getting late diagnosis and then reassessing everything that has gone before. We also talked about whether to disclose neurodivergence in dating.
Working with Karen
We talked about my coaching method and what it is like to work with me.
The Hidden 20% is available here and everywhere you get your podcasts.
