Reframing the conversation around neurodivergence
Why the future is neurodiverse
I have been working with ND couples and relationships for many years.
When I began specialising in ND, it was always a thoughtful process as to when, if and how I could introduce the concept of neurodivergence. Often my couples displayed all the behavioural dynamics of ND but had no idea about the effect it had on their relationship dynamic.
The ND Landscape today
Fast forward to today and we have a different landscape. People’s awareness of ND has increased dramatically. Clients seek me out to work specifically on how ND is impacting their relationships.
Neurodivergence is often described in terms of deficit and disorder.
Hearing that, I find myself wanting to shout from the rooftops that “we need to change the narrative”. It’s vital as a society that we recognise that Neurodiversity is a form of natural difference. That difference can bring energy, imagination and new ways of thinking into the world.
After two decades of working with couples and families, I have seen that the portrayal of ND is too narrow. We have to widen the conversation to include the positives.
Why the conversation needs to move forward
Neurodivergent people have always existed. ND lives have been framed in terms of difficulty, disruption or “special needs”. Even now, much of the public conversation focuses on limitations and trauma.
Yet in my therapy room, I see something very different. I see creative problem-solving, emotional depth, humour, originality, sensitivity, and a capacity for innovation that often outpaces the systems around them. These are qualities that enrich families, workplaces and communities. When we only focus on the struggle, we miss the brilliance.
The neurodiversity paradigm
The neurodiversity paradigm offers three ideas that I think are essential if we want a healthier culture.
First, human variation is part of nature. There has never been one type of brain that suits every environment. Second, there is no single standard of how people “should” think or communicate. All neurotypes have value. Third, ND experience is shaped by the social world as much as by neurology. Many of the difficulties ND people face come from stigma, misunderstanding, or environments that were never designed with them in mind.
These principles matter not only in theory but in everyday life. They shape how we teach, employ, support and care for each other.
Education as the foundation of change
If we want to change the culture, schools are the place to start.
ND students are often described as struggling or falling behind. In reality, their needs and learning styles are different. When we design learning environments that support ND learners, everyone benefits. This mirrors the well-known “curb-cut effect”: changes made for one group end up helping others.
Research from the British Psychological Society proposes a move away from pathologising difference and towards understanding cognitive diversity as a strength. Flexible teaching, sensory-aware classrooms, and varied pathways for demonstrating learning improve the experience for all students. This shift is about a cultural rethink of what “normal learning” looks like.
Expanding this thinking
Education isn’t the only place where this change is needed. Workplaces, hospitals, public buildings, transport, and recreational spaces all benefit from ND-aware design. We already see examples of this in accessible travel initiatives, thoughtful architectural planning and everyday features like captions or quiet spaces. When we widen access for ND people, we improve the experience for everyone.
We need to change the culture
We need to move beyond a narrative that centres on difficulty and trauma – making space for something new.
The neurodivergent community can draw powerful lessons from the LGBTQ+ community’s journey towards equal rights. By embracing identity and shared experience as a source of strength, the LGBTQ community has cultivated pride through visibility, inclusivity and activism.
I believe the ND community is going through its own version of that transition. Neurodivergent people can reclaim the narrative by highlighting their lived experiences, advocating for systemic change and by fostering solidarity across the ND community.
ND People can flourish
Neurodivergent people bring fresh thinking to some of the most complex problems we face. My hope is that we begin to recognise this potential and create environments where ND people can flourish.
Neurodiversity is a source of strength and creativity that society urgently needs. By building ND-affirming schools, workplaces and public spaces, we help ND people and create a more accessible world for all.
Different minds shape the future. We should give them room to do it.
