“The Deal”: a blueprint for relationship success
I recently went to celebrate the 20th wedding anniversary of my dear friends. As we celebrate such occasions, surrounded by other couples who have endured the test of time, it’s natural to ponder the secrets of their enduring partnerships. What sets these couples apart? What is the common thread that has woven their lives together so harmoniously?
The pattern of long-lasting couples
After careful observation, a pattern emerged. These couples, each with their unique journeys, have all, in one way or another, made a “deal.” They have crafted a shared vision for their lives together, outlining roles, responsibilities, and expectations. It sounds a bit formal, but the practicality of it is actually very important – and if you think about it, a marriage is a contract, after all.
Whether it was prioritising one partner’s career, deciding on family planning, or determining the balance between work and home life, these couples have a clear understanding of their individual contributions to the relationship. It isn’t always smooth sailing; life’s twists and turns, such as pregnancy, job changes, and ageing parents, inevitably present challenges. Yet, their shared vision acts as a guiding star. It helps them navigate through stormy waters as a team.
The deal framework in couples therapy
In my work as a couple’s therapist and coach, I often find it helpful to introduce the concept of the “deal” to couples seeking guidance. This framework provides a structure for understanding where they have come from, where they are going, and what they aspire to achieve together.
It’s important to recognise that the “deal” is not a static contract. As life evolves, couples may need to renegotiate their terms to accommodate changing circumstances. It’s not set in stone by any means. This might involve redefining roles, adjusting expectations, or addressing new challenges.
Reflection on your own couple deal
Ultimately, the strength of a relationship lies in the ability of partners to trust, support, and adapt together. By understanding and honouring their individual roles, couples can create a solid foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Take a moment to reflect on your “deal.” What have you agreed upon? How have your roles and responsibilities evolved over time? And most importantly, are you and your partner still committed to your shared vision?
How I can help you build a long-lasting relationship
Whether you’re just starting out, navigating life transitions, or facing challenges like infidelity, loss, or grief, my approach focuses on helping couples understand and renegotiate their “deal” to create a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. I believe that couples provide the most nurturing and supportive environment for personal growth and development.
I offer flexible therapy options, including weekly sessions, packages, and intensive retreats. My approach focuses on understanding your unique challenges through a developmental and psychoanalytic lens – and if your couple has neurodiversity in the mix, I’m an expert on how this affects the dynamic. We’ll work together to identify areas for improvement and develop practical communication tools to strengthen your relationship.
Want to work with me to renegotiate your couple “deal”? Get in touch.
