Joining the conversation on The 90s Baby Show
Joining the conversation on The 90s Baby Show
I recently had the pleasure of joining Fred Santana, Temi Alchemy and VP on The 90s Baby Show for a wide-ranging conversation about relationships, communication and the realities of modern dating.
Nothing is off limits
If you’ve watched the show before, you’ll know nothing is off limits. The discussions are honest, funny, thought-provoking and often challenge the assumptions we all carry about love and relationships. It made for a brilliant space to bring a therapist’s perspective into conversations that so many of us are already having with our friends, families and partners.
Differing expectations in relationships
One of the biggest themes we explored was the idea that couples often enter relationships with very different expectations, without ever talking about them. We discussed everything from taking a partner’s surname to proposals, parenting, finances and infidelity, all of which led to a concept I regularly use in my therapy room: creating your own “couple deal”.
Rather than relying on assumptions about what a relationship should look like, I encourage couples to have open conversations about their values, boundaries and expectations. Every relationship is different, and the healthiest ones are built intentionally rather than by default.
Couple Fit
Of course, it wasn’t all serious discussion. We had plenty of laughs about the little everyday frustrations that can become surprisingly big relationship flashpoints. Whether it’s socks left scrunched up in the laundry basket or choosing exactly the wrong moment to raise an issue, these seemingly small moments often tell us much more about communication than they do about housework.
One of the analogies I shared is that relationships are a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. In therapy, my job isn’t to persuade people to stay together at all costs. Instead, it’s about tipping all the pieces onto the table, understanding how they fit together, identifying what’s missing and helping couples decide, honestly and openly, what they want to build from there.
Neurodivergence in relationships
We also spent time talking about neurodivergence in relationships, something that has become an increasingly important part of my work. ADHD, autism and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria can all shape the way people communicate, experience conflict and interpret one another’s behaviour. Understanding those differences doesn’t remove every challenge, but it can transform the way couples relate to one another with more empathy and less blame.
What I enjoyed most about the conversation was that nobody was looking for simple answers. We challenged one another’s perspectives and explored why relationships are rarely as straightforward as social media would have us believe.
A huge thank you to Fred, Temi and VP for having me. It was such an enjoyable conversation, and I hope listeners came away with a few practical ideas to think about in their own relationships. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, I’d love for you to give it a watch and let me know which part of the discussion resonated with you most.
